40 Days of Heart Healing - Day One - March 6, 2019

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;  but his delight is in the law^[ of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Psalm 1:1-3, ESV

So, it’s Ash Wednesday, and unlike any other I’ve faced in the last ten years.

Having distance running removed from my life has left me with, on one level, a great void of physical activity, and on the other, an incredible overload of mental and emotional clutter with one of my primary sources of clearing the clutter removed.

It’s like the drifts of snow sitting outside, there’s piles of thoughts in my head to deal with, and it feels like not a lot of places to push it away right now. The mental plows are working overtime on clearing it, but as fast as it gets cleared out, more blows in to take its place right now.

It occurred to me this morning that the void right now is not so much physical right now as it is spiritual. In my struggles to understand the physical heart problems I am dealing with, it occurs to me I need to do far more to address the emotional and spiritual heart problems I have pushed away with physical activity for a long time.

And with that this morning comes a moment of clarity.

Long before I was a runner, I was a writer. The pen has always been my outlet for the mental and emotional clutter that comes along with being hyperactive and, a lot of times, depressed. Writing is my way of processing what I otherwise would just try to escape. In my obsession with distance running, as it often became, it was a gift I have often become too neglectful of.

Also, I have become neglectful of maintaining and strengthening my relationship with the Lord through Scripture and prayer. I’ve spent a long time doing it far too sparingly, only when it seems to fit into my schedule, if I wake up early enough, so on. This is what really ought to be filling the emotional void, and I have not invested nearly enough to quench this drought lately.

And these voids have become far more glaring as the physical and emotional struggles have increased over the last few weeks and months. I have had too much to process, and have processed too little of it in the way I should, and the emotional fatigue is starting to show through more and more.

So, as I pondered this period of spiritual restoration we call Lent, which starts today, I realize this year it is not so much about creating a void in my life as it is filling the void in my heart (both physically and spiritually) and nourishing my spirit far better, as I should have been all along.

In short, I need to take some time to refresh my spirit and renew my connection with the Savior.

So, my Lenten goal, as it were, is not so much to remove things from my life, though there is probably some of that I could do, too. Instead, my goal is to set aside time each day to connect with the Lord through Scripture and prayer, and to nourish the gift He’s given me to open my heart to Him, and to the world, through the written word.

So, for the next 40 days, this is what I will seek to do. I will open His word, open my heart, and open my pen everyday. Reading, praying and journaling, all things I have not done nearly enough of, to refresh my mind and nourish my spirit.

And hopefully, I will do some physical, emotional and – most importantly – spiritual healing in the process.